Up in da club!

Saturday night, I hit a local hot spot. I wasn’t too thrilled cause I didn’t love my outfit. But at the end I really enjoyed myself. Me, my lil’ cousin and my friend kicked it pretty hard. And guess what, “The Rapper” was there. I saw him outside at first but pretended not to. After I went in (VIP style always and only), he spotted me and approached me quick. He rubbed my upper thigh, just the way Hero used to, and we conversed for under a minute. We moved on, making our individual rounds. I watched him watching me all night. After a while I noticed the same fake Alicia Keys was playing him close like butter plays toast. So I maintained my inconspicuous distance. She was on him like white on rice. Not that he was resisting but I could tell for sure who was pursuing who. Am I going to have to fight in the club? Nope. He ain’t my man, so I chilled. We crossed paths a few more times. Each time we exchanged a few flirty words. I love his swagger. He asked me to come to his house afterwards; I said okay but kept rolling, wondering why he wasn’t going with “Alicia Please”! Towards the end of the night, he stood with me. They played his song and my girls and I danced to show our support. Then out of no where came “Biggie in Black”. She hoped on him like an L train. He entertained her for under 5 seconds and was back in my face. GIRL, DON’T TEST ME! We exchanged a lot of our I like you so much but I can’t show it sentences and then I left. Before I did though, I said “I am going to call you, don’t answer and see what happens”. So after I dropped everyone off, I called. This mofo did not answer. So he calls me back like an hour and a half later. (7:13 a.m., the clubbed closed at 6!). He had an attitude, asking why I didn’t call, rapper please, you know I called. We discussed us for about an hour. We used the hypothetical situation of “buying a girl a drink” to navigate this conversation. We concluded that if he buys anybody a drink, it would and should be me. This was his way of saying, that I was now his number one interest. He used our favorite ghetto euphemism, “You are on boo status”. I know for sure he is not trying to tell me that he is being monogamous but just that I am his favorite. Which is his exact roll in my life for now. He told me that “All the girls, I meet, when they are away from the background music and scene of a club, are nothing” But that I was different. He said that most of his conversations can be left “right there” but that everything I say to him, he can take with him everyday. He asked me now that I was on “boo status”, what was I going to bring to the table. I didn’t really now but I did tell him that his passion for his music and just hearing it and watching him work hard to see it pop, inspires me unlike any other man that I know. But since he stood me up after the club, I am going to give TF a fighting chance.

My Friday - Not Ice Cube's

Let’s see…Friday. My cousin had a “Gala Affair”. It was a dual celebration - his 25th birthday and his departure to Harvard Business School. He is highly successful, already in a very important position in a very important company, already degreed, but has decided to pursue bigger endeavors. This event taught me a few things. First, Negroes from the projects can make something of themselves. Secondly, they may become a tad bit cocky along the way. Although, I won’t describe my cousin as “stuck up”, I will describe him as “stuck on himself”. His “program” included directions to “stand and sing Happy Birthday upon his entrance". Too bad I was too fashionably late to participate in the sing-a-long! But, that was that.
I had my favorite sexy rock star hairstyle, and an ultra- “get a new man” dress. But I didn’t. But they sure were looking. I learned that although my breast are beautiful to me, I don’t take them that serious because they are all I have ever known, but other people take them really serious. I showed cleavage at the party and it was all I heard about all night. The men and women gawked and / or complimented. When I put the dress on, I was thinking, wow, these tatas are looking right. But I didn’t expect them to be the life of the party, but somehow they were. Especially after I opened up the dance floor when everyone else was busy “acting brand new”. But again, that was that.
Overall, I enjoyed this Friday. I worked for a few hours. Got to get some new clothes, shoes and jewelry and a mani and a pedi and my hair done. I felt hood rich! I was supposed to see “The Rapper” after the party but I didn’t.

Me? I'm supa FLY, supa dupa FLY!

“You’re so professional. You carry yourself with so much class.” This was the opening statement for T.F.’s dissertation on why he liked me. His attraction to me coincides quite well with the image that I have of myself. “You are about your business”. I take great pride in having all of my own things, place, car, good job, no kids, and a college education (in progress). He also said that my style is “Real fly, I only pick the girls that stand out”. Why can’t I ever get more straight forward compliments? That one was cool until he brought all of the other girls that he “picks” into it. Anyway, he pretty much told me that he was looking for a girlfriend. “Are you talking to anybody? ‘Cause I don’t like sharing.” WHOA NELLY! He said that he was tired of the same old thing, random girls with no sense of direction. “Girls are nothing new to me so I don’t have to settle, I can pick the best of the best”. Really? The compliments are getting better, but just nick the other girl thing in the butt ASAP! Anyway he proceeded to tell me how he felt like I could help him get his life back to where it should be. He said that lately he felt like a slacker and was looking for a girl to I guess inspire or motivate him to do more. By the way he has a 1 year old. He made a special announcement that I wouldn’t have to worry about his baby mama, “’Cause she’s not a ghetto lil’ girl”. He said that there relationship was very civilized. I sure hope so for her sake. Not that I really care cause his nice guy, looking for more, funky fresh dressed to impress, borderline metro sexual personality, doesn’t wet me up. I mean I like a gentlemen but your manhood has to be on the forefront at all times. He talks about clothes a lot, his and mine. This is not too new to me, ‘cause Hero stays fly and likes me for doing the same. But when T.F. talks about it, the vibe is different. It’s more of a you’re fly, let me prove that I am fly too kinda thing. He should just sit back. ‘Cause for example, I was already feeling his watch before he asked me if I liked it. He then proceeded to say that his was a little more fly than mine. Which by the way is a big face hot pink Kenneth Cole that Hero bought me that was way hotter than TF’s watch. He kept trying to put me up on stuff. Like Common, Jaguar Wright, and the “hippest” places to hang out. Boy, please, this is what I do...but I let him shine like all I know is Nelly and Reebok classics. Anyway, keep his style, his admiration for me and his musical interests, subtract the baby and add some testosterone and TF could be in the runnings.

It's Nothing

“The Rapper” did call. He said that all was fine with him and that he’d enjoyed our time together. So I didn’t harp on anything. We talk like 24-7. We are moving really fast. I’m feeling nervous because his presence makes me so much less sad about Hero. The last thing that I want to do is jump into a relationship and try to replace my Hero. "The Rapper" spent the night again. What am I doing with this man? What is he doing with me? Our energy is becoming too good to be true. I met a new guy today, we'll call him T.F. He is okay, kinda sensitive for my liking. He asked to take me out Saturday but then called later and said he didn't want to wait. I couldn't go that night though because I was with "The Rapper". So anyway, when I was with "The Rapper", T.F. called again at like 1:30 am. HATER! "The Rapper" was like "Oh, okay, thats how we doin it?". I could tell he didn't like it even though he kept claiming not to care. I don't mind being confused about this situation because everything about him makes me smile. I can sense that we met at the right time to just put some good vibrations on each other's soul.

It might be a "rap"!

I spent another night with “The Rapper”, this time at his house. I can’t explain the dynamics between us. At times, I feel like we are in some sort of competition. We went back and forth with smart mouth comments like crazy! But then every now and then someone crossed the line. He says I don’t know how to talk to grown men. In the meantime, I am feeling like he is cocky because of the way we met. (I approached him) So that puts me on the defense. He keeps accusing me of “catching feelings”. I’m not. But I think he is. So last night consisted of a few heart-felt conversations about our lives. He really has a lot to teach me. I learned about publishing and ASCAP, about radio spins and some other music stuff. I wonder what I taught him. He said “walk me thru your day”. He’s is a good listener and he shows genuine interest. But we kept arguing about what we wanted from each other. He said that originally he thought I just wanted to smash but then after we talked, “We clicked, and I really like you”. I told him that I did not know what I wanted except that I didn’t want to just smash and I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. He said “Good, ‘cause I ain’t trying to be locked down”. Niggas are ignorant! I kept threatening to leave panties hidden in his house. I could tell he didn’t think that was funny. I wonder how many he has in rotation. We didn’t do a lot of touching. I don’t know why. He kissed my face and neck a lot. Rubbed me a little. I played with his hair but that’s about it. I got really sleepy and feel asleep on him. I slept in this black sheer gown. I kept catching him staring but he didn’t make any moves. I was cool with that. Rather do it at my house. Have no idea, what’s next for us. I wonder if he is going to call. If he doesn’t, I’ll chalk it up as a lose and I wont call him either. If he does, I’ll try to be nicer- I think.

Wu Tang Wu Tang!

“Man, you just got hella points for that”. That’s what “The Rapper” said about me having the Pretty Tony LP. He was trying to explain a track from that CD to me. When I told him that I had that in my car, he was ecstatic. He said he was shocked that I was up on that. He thinks he’s so ghetto and I am so “uppity’. I had to let him know I listened to a lil’ Ghostface every now and then. Funny thing though, Hero gave me that CD.

Don't be a groupie, keep it moving...I will

“The rapper” had a concert. He invited me, so me and three friends went. I was really excited all day just to see how he treated me in front of friends and family especially since he was performing. I wondered if a girlfriend would be there or if he would act all Hollywood. He didn’t. He was cool as a fan. I liked that. Even though, he kept acting like he didn’t see me at first. This is what I expected. Men can be so predictable at times. That game was kinda funny. He walked past, deliberately looking the other way, then finally he looked shocked, like “Oh, I didn’t see you there,” His performance was better than everyone else’s. Stage presence wet me up, I told him that too. He just flashed his smile and said I was silly. I didn’t notice any girls that he paid particular attention to or vice- versa. I sang along to all the new songs he said pretty much only he and I had heard. I got a kick out of that. Even though I enjoy his company, I need someone else on my team simultaneously. Takes a lot to keep my mind off Hero.

Daytime Drama..

I think I ruined it. Hero told me that he had sex with his old girlfriend. It hurt me really deep. Don't know why. Mostly because he was anxious to tell me. I knew he would try to pay me back. So, I momentarily went nutz. Never had intentions of harming anyone or anything. Just tried to embarrass / hurt him like he did me. I regret my actions though. Cause as soon as I was done, I realized I didn't even care. Then afterwards I went on my own date with my new rapper friend. Had fun, he has a good attitude. I kissed him. Haven't kissed anybody besides Hero since like forever. Haven't made any decisions about him yet. He has his pros and cons. As far as Hero, I feel so partial about him. Like I could never talk to him again and be okay. But maybe I'll miss him sooner than I think. Comfortable with letting "time tell". That's a good feeling. He probably will never talk to me again after I acted a fool with the ex, that he said he slept with. Oh well. Starting to believe the most frequent advice I receive concerning him, "Let him go, if it's meant to be, he'll be back". Actin a fool on the phone with her was just a small part of my 100+ degree day. I ran out of gas. Got lost trying to find a company picnic and I'm broke. But hanging out with "The Rapper" was a good feeling. Felt like a real man.

Ahhhh.

I talked to Hero today. I was feeling icky that I called first. But he called back and we talked. I wanted him to call first but I had a sudden urge to call. So, I did. I figured I have been with him for 5 years and didn’t have to play any games. I am really proud to have gone a week though. He gave something similar to an apology. His voice made me smile. Never went a week without it. We shared this I miss you but I still hate you attitude, weird. Made my day go better though. Still don’t want him back, but I want to see him.

I got goals...

I met a rapper! I met a rapper! One of my most masterful life plans is to marry someone in the music world. Well I meet a rapper, mission almost accomplished. Don’t know much about him yet. He seems cool. We have good conversations. I am not looking for a boyfriend but at least I met a rapper.

Today I miss him

I miss Hero today. We got into a really big fight like Monday. He said he lost respect for me since I had had sex with someone else (when we were broke up). After we hung up I wrote a long email about how he shouldn't ever call me again until he was ready to apologize. And that I wouldn't call him. Neither of us has called. I was doing fine, but today, I miss him.

Broken VOWS!

I forgot that the other day my mom told me that my sister and her "husband" are not legally married. It's a long story. He's an abusive pig! We weren't invited to this mystery wedding. Come to find out they were never married!!! I went to the court the day I heard the rumor that they were going to get married. I was going to, by any means necessary, interrupt. But they didn't show up. Believe it or not my family is not a ghetto mess. He just came in and put my sisters life in a whirlwind. Doesn't matter now though, cause he aint her husband. Plus he's in jail. I AM HELLA HAPPY Hehehehheheh!

That was then, This is NOW!

I am: still crazy, still beautiful, obsessed with my breast, single, in college, working in Aerospace technology, proud of me, hungry, horny, short, perfectly brown, using Beyonce as motivation, actively pursuing a thug that should be intimidated by my life but isn't

I love: T.I., rhyming unnecessarily (like “She’s tall as a wall” or “ I am sore as a whore” or “Short as a dart”), tilapia, my ex-boyfi, Crash, sleeping, And Then What, In Ya’ Face, Lil’ Weebie and Lil’ Boosie, http://www.afrochelle.com, Kanye’s – Diamonds are Forever, Dee-Dee, the new Lindbergh tunnel, Lyfe

I hate: my eyes, this old lady named Miss Pat, Victoria, I Ain’t No Holla Back Girl, LDI, Laurie Ann’s mouth on Making the Band, The new host of Rap City and the set, Fatty Koo, ugly hands, the beauty shop, hearing stories about peoples kids, my sisters husband and his whole family, Pretty Ricky

To My Hero,

Yes –

I do love you. I forgive you for all the things you’ve done. I think I know everything you’ve done. I think you are actively trying to find someone to replace me because you are so hurt by what I did. You are irreplaceable. I feel irreplaceable. Sometimes I think I wanna marry you. Sometimes I hope nature takes its course and we stop talking for ever. I think Kelly wants you. I know Christy wanted you. You knew that. Pus –face was behind it all. She still has hers coming. I might let Mocha slide. Really I don’t like to or want to ever have to fight but I might have to do something to Victoria. Your mom hates me. I am over that. Her friend, Alicia got me real messed up and is a close second on the list behind Pus face. She got about one more time to say something I don’t like before... Your mom thinks all of your faults or my fault. You still fuck me the best and get me the wettest. I miss you. Niggas in Saint Louis for about 99% of the part disgust me. I wish you lived with me, mainly cause I still want you so bad at night. Is what I would say if you asked me to be with you right now. I expect you to tell me if you have sex with someone else. I still think about us in the far future, like beautiful brown babies and making Mau Mau a GiGi. I think we broke up because of actual mistakes and not just destiny.

No -

I don’t want to be your girlfriend right now. Hopping in the sheets with a girl won’t replace the feelings you have for me. I might not let her bald-head ass slide. You don’t deserve me right now. I don’t feel threatened by anyone in your life. I have never cheated. I don’t feel guilty about being with someone else after we broke up. I haven’t felt like your prize in a long time. I don’t think you want Kelly. I never gave anyone else mouth or lip service. Mau Mau doesn’t hate me. You don’t make me feel perfectly sexy anymore. None of your faults or my fault. I never fake it. Is what I should say if you asked me to be with you right now. I haven’t had sex with him since that once. I don’t want to. I still don’t feel that attraction to other people that I guess single people feel. I don't think this break up is your fault. No I don't think it's just because we grew apart.

Its not funny until somebody gets hurt. Then, it's hilarious.

(work in progress)
Random witnessed moments of absolute ignorance ...

The tattoo:
"That's my daughter's name. I did it myself. When I was high. In the mirror. It came out backwards."

Charades:
When the darkest guy says "It's a movie" and somebody yells out "Amistad".

The Icing On the Cake!
Last summer, me and two of my friends went to Sam' s Club. We wanted to buy a birthday cake, have it personalized to say "Hell yeah! You 21!" But, the stupid white lady behind the counter refused to put "Hell" on the cake, because "it's profane". So , we asked for a manger. When he finally came over, we argued about freedom of speech, argued that hell is in the Bible, then we tried to compromise and ask for "H*ll" . The white people still said no. So I said:
"Ok, just write Happy Birthday Jaqanisha"
"What color'
"BLACK"
"Here's your cake"
"Bitch we don't know no Jaqanisha" as we ruined and ran out on the last cake the store had that all the whiteys needed to celebrate St. Patricks day.

Who's yo Daddy?
A boy says to his pregnant girlfriend "Wouldn't it be funny if the baby was born without teeth?" Or..
A baby is born and the DAD says "Un, she looks like a mammal."

Ohh I Like Dat!

I love this site. It is hilarious, insightful, well-written and concise. Even the title "So Many Shrimp" is hella creative. My love for it just further proves that I am infatuated with intelligent niggas that can get ignorant at any given moment. I don’t know, something about that mix just turns me on. Keep up the good work!