I Saw A Cow Running

I went to visit Hero. For some reason, I rode the train this time. On the way home, I saw a cow running. And momentarily, I was jealous. Between home and Hero, I had to have seen hundreds of cows. Black, brown, tan, white, spotted, all black with white heads, some sleeping and some gazing. But only one was in motion; the cow that I saw running. I wondered what the cow was running to. Usually, I am not into nature. I don’t like animals, plants, bugs or even flowers eww eww eww. But all I had on the train to keep my mind of this mistake I had just made was nature. And my iPOD, which I had already went thru a time and a half. But anyway, I think that cow was happy. It has to be something good to make one cow out of 100’s run. I wished I was moving quickly towards something good like that cow. But I wasn’t. Behind me was the love of my life, who had just proven to me that I didn’t love him anymore. He’d also proven he didn’t love me anymore. Or maybe we do love each other. But that’s it. And love ain’t enough. ‘Cause nothing else was there. Sex, silence, sex, silence. Nothing existed between except a few arguments, fewer laughs and quick calls to the rapper that I would sneak in whenever I could 'cause I was convinced he kjept leaving to talk to Tyrese face. Ahead of me was 6 day late rent, and a 20 day late car note. Plus 6 missed classes. I overspent on the trip and overslept and missed my Sunday train. So now, I’m on my way back on Monday evening to face all of the sacrifices I made and the priorities I neglected just to see Hero. All for nothing. Damn, damn, damn! I feel like that stupid bitch that I never understood; the one who seems to indulge in heartbreaking situations. I let Hero rob me of some self-worth, and I knew he would even before I went. When I get home, I am gonna pay my tithes and get back in my Christian groove. Then I won’t feel guilty about praying on money. I always end up in sticky situations and run back to God, looking stupid. I told Hero, when he kept begging me to come, that he had to treat me better than he did in NYC. He promised he would. Liar. Can’t blame him though, ‘cause I feel for it. Never again - that’s the plan for now. Soon, like the cow I saw runnin, my pastures should be greener.