Emancipation of Me Me

I went to visit Hero, on the four hour drive home, I freed my spirit. I couldn’t make any concise decisions about how the trip affected our relationship. It’s good that we can talk again, and it was good to see him. I got all cute for him and stuff but when I got there he was drunk and we sweated my hair out ASAP, so the cute thing didn’t last long. We avoided any conversations about us or the recent incident. That was good ‘cause we didn’t argue but I didn’t like the feeling of tip-toeing around. Not that I had much to say. He didn’t wanna leave me alone in his house. What is that he thinks I can find worse than him at the movies with a slut that looks like Tyrese with blondish-green dreads that start mid-head? Little does he know, I never snoop around his house. That’s not my style. Not that I am not nosey but, that’s not on my list of things to do. Anyway let’s see, the sex was good, fast, but good, he works harder at it now. I wondered if it is because he has experienced new lovers or is he trying to compete with my new lovers? Whenever we were doing it, I had to put a lot of effort into not thinking about the other girls in his life. I hate having to feel brand new with MY Hero. He took me to my favorite restaurant. I might be really happy about this ‘cause I explained that it was important to me for him to take me out. But I don’t know, ‘cause maybe that’s just what he wanted to eat. He avoided any intimacy or romance. Except that our kisses were passionate like they used to be. I don’t know. Nothing about the visit moved me in any particular direction about Hero. Whenever I am driving away from him though, I always feel soo apathetic. Like as long as we just had some good sex, and we aren’t mad at each other, it doesn’t matter if I ever talk to him again. I just never want us to hate each other. Its always my strongest moments concerning him, I turn the music up so loud that I can’t hear anything else and I empty the Hero out of my heart. I thought about how hurt "The Rapper" was when he called and I told him I was on my way out of town. I never heard sadness in his voice before. It damned near brought tears to my eyes as he said “You going to get you some huh?, There is no way you can tell me you are driving out of town in the middle of the night for anything else.” I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know he cared. I had been trying to get up with him for the past few nights and of course, as I am on my way to see Hero, he calls and invites me over. I feel really sorry, not for going but just for not knowing that he would care. This just got way too long. The other stuff can wait.