On being crazy

Crazy baby…not like you belong in an asylum, crazy baby like the sun in the morning and the moon at night, like the rain falling from the sky, like the tree growing from the earth. I'm astounded baby by your love for me an you touching me and your trust in me.

The best part about being crazy is finding someone who thinks you’re beautiful. I watched Crazy Beautiful last night, for like the millionth time. I love that movie despite it’s cheap attempt at abstraction that simply comes across as stereotyping. Anyway, the movie reminds me so much of Hero. How my mind was all frazzled before I met him. But then he came in and kinda like rewired me. I was so calm and different and just gained a whole new perspective on everything. Not because of who he was, but because he loved who I was. The way they completed each other was so typical “Hero and Me”. I was his wild crazy passionate side and he was my tranquility. But not like opposites attracting as much as two pieces fitting perfectly together. Somewhere in the relationship though, things would get twisted. He would sometime exhibit the temper that was more typical of me and at times I would be nonchalant or carefree like him. You have to be a really special person to truly love me. I don’t know. I just really like that movie. I am really glad to have been loved by Hero and so grateful for the lessons of that relationship.

Poorly written and unfinished

I am dazed embarrassed and confused as to why I have neglected my blog for like so many days. Things have happened. I could have written. Let’s see… I’ve did the do with Hero, never ever again. For real it sucked so badly. Okay it didn’t suck but it literally lasted three minutes. *throws up in mouth* The Rapper confessed his love for me in like an hour long dissertation. He told me he’d never felt this way about anybody and “For real, you are what’s poppin’!” He even said the actual words “I love you”. Wishfully thinking that he was telling the truth, it was more special than anything I’ve heard in years or maybe even ever. But the next day, he fell off the face of the earth. So I kept calling and stuff. Especially when I was sad when one of my old friends slash new enemies called and said her grandma died. So anyway after the funeral I was really sad and wanted to talk to him but he didn’t answer. So I got really confused and started calling and texting a lot. He called once, when I was at the TI concert but we didn’t talk. So eventually he answered and we had a huge fight. I cried over him. The kinda cry you can still taste hours later. What the fuck was happening? I didn’t even know he could make me cry like that. But he did, by saying he felt like I was “stalking” him. I realized that he was nuts, nuts for trying to convince me that I was nuts for wondering why he would swear to love me and then say “I told you we would need a long break after that cause I love you too much and I really just don’t have time for that in my life.” But I am the crazy one uh no. Rapper, that behavior you are displaying is completely abnormal. I guess that I always took his inability to express positive emotions as a joke. I knew he was hood and didn’t “get of into that mushy shit’, but I see now that this is real. Black men from broken homes really don’t know how to be emotional. They don’t know anything about compassion or love. He did tell me during our fight that “My intentions would never ever be to hurt you.” He hasn’t proven it though. i give up.